Why not spank?

Polls consistently show most Americans believe spanking is an appropriate form of discipline

and use it as a discipline option when parenting.

(particularly those who identify themselves as being "born again" Christians,

Republicans more than Democrats or Independents,

and people who live in the Southern states vs. the rest of the country)

(Enten, Harry. Americans' Opinions on Spanking Vary by Party, Race, Region and Religion. SEP. 15, 2014)

I am a licensed therapist and specialize in the treatment of children and families.

...and I live in the South

...and most of my clients are Christians.

(I do not ask what political party they identify with!!)

Over thirty years of treating patients, I have encountered countless parents who have asked:

Why not spank?

I was trained back in the 80s to use other forms of behavior management,

discipline,

and consequences to assist the children and adolescents I counseled in treatment settings.

From classrooms

to inpatient units

to therapeutic day schools

to residential treatment centers

to foster homes,

I learned that behavior of the most wildly out-of-control children and teens can be contained and sculpted

into good behavior without ever laying a hand on them.

I became a parent, myself, in the early 90s and my husband and I needed some parenting philosophy and agreed-upon discipline techniques in order to effectively raise our children!

With my professional training as our foundation in parenting, we both agreed that we would not use spanking...ever.

We both grew up having been spanked as one form of discipline in our homes and "we turned out fine"

(which is an argument most people use for the use of spanking).

But, with the evidence against the use of spanking growing, even decades ago,

and the truth that other forms of discipline are proven more effective,

along with my years of experience using "no touching" techniques,

we chose a "no spanking" rule in our parenting approach.

Perhaps more important than my 30 years of advice and personal experience...

A new study on spanking (2016), considered the most complete analysis to date on the topic,

finds the more children are spanked, the more likely they are to

defy their parents,

exhibit anti-social behaviors, and

experience mental health and cognitive problems.

"Spanking makes children's behavior worse," declares lead author Elizabeth T. Gershoff.

"It has the opposite effect than what parents want:

It does NOT make children better-behaved, and

it does NOT teach children right from wrong.

It is NOT related to immediate compliance, and

it does NOT make children behave better in the future."

Gershoff, an associate professor of human development and family sciences at the University of Texas at Austin,

partnered with Andrew Grogan-Kaylor, an associate professor at the University of Michigan School of Social Work,

to analyze 50 years of research on spanking involving over 160,000 children.

"The evidence against spanking is one of the most consistent findings in the field of psychology," Gershoff said.

Indeed, much of the new study's findings have been reported before:

Across age groups, spanking is an ineffective discipline tool

that is associated with increased aggression,

delinquent behaviors,

anxiety and

depression.

SPANKING...

...teaches our child that violence is an acceptable way to express anger and deal with conflict.

...contradicts the rest of how we are trying to raise our child in regards to conflict resolution.

...is painful. Deliberately instilling pain on our child is cruel (even if we believe it's “for their own good”).

...is harmful emotionally for the parent.

Spanking often leads to remorse, guilt, and doubts about the quality of our own parenting skills.

...communicates that a child is powerless.

A powerless person will act out, leading to increased aggression and possibly delinquent behaviors.

...damages trust in the parent-child bond.

...invades a child's sense of security.

...halts effective communication.

...is harmful emotionally for the child.

Spanking is a traumatic interaction between a parent and a child.

It results in a child feeling as though there's something inherently wrong with them (rather than the behavior).

It creates resentment toward the parent.

It can lead to body image and self image issues in the future.

It causes anxiety and even has led to depression in children. ...has been proven to be ineffective for lasting positive results.

Other forms of discipline ARE effective.

Clients who have stopped the use of spanking and have implemented ways of disciplining their child with ways I have trained them can testify this is true.

My own four children can testify this is true.

40 years of research has proven this is true.

Most parents do need to do some research

about alternative ways of teaching children that:

bad choices lead to negative outcomes and good ones lead to success.

Read my blog entries:

The Art of Parenting: Natural and Logical Consequences;

Attend to Feelings;

Affirmation

to begin gathering helpful new approaches to replace the use of spanking.

You will be glad to drop this one parenting tool for much more effective ones. Guaranteed.