Attend to Feelings

ATTEND TO FEELINGS...

Take time with your child when they want to talk…

particularly if it is about feelings!

I remember a seminar instructor many years ago pointing out an important parenting tip:

whenever your child uses ‘feeling words’ to describe their experience,

STOP what you are doing and attend to what they are saying.

Much of our parenting time with our child is spent getting various necessary tasks accomplished like:

driving them to and from school,

cooking dinner,

being available for homework questions,

and regular grocery shopping trips.

Much of the conversation during those times is superficial.

But, once in a while your child shares what they feel about an experience ,

or a person ,

or a memory ,

or an upcoming event in their lives.

Rather than continuing on, plowing through your own goal to accomplish the job at-hand, STOP!

Attend to your child and what they are verbalizing.

Look them in the eye and draw near.

If you wish to show them that the appropriate expression of feelings is a value in successful relationships, then... fully and completely listen.

Model to them what you desire they do when others share on a deeper, more meaningful level of relationship.

We want them to feel valued and cared for and that feelings are respected no matter what.

No preparation of dinner,

no hurrying through the grocery store,

no accomplishment of a school project

is more important than...

a child feeling totally attended to when they are sharing on a vulnerable level.

And any sharing of feelings is just that: Vulnerability.

As Proverbs 20:5 so aptly states: (I have changed the words in the brackets to apply to this relational situation)

"The purposes of a [child’s] heart are deep waters,

but a [parent] of understanding draws them out.”

Stop and attend to your child’s feelings whenever they share them with you.